8 simple ways to combat self sabotage

From the outside, self-sabotaging behavior seems like a problem with a simple fix: If you realize you keep flubbing opportunities to better your life, simply channel your inner Terry Crews and tell yourself to knock it off already. But the problem is more nuanced than that. It takes serious self-reflection to understand why you keep shooting yourself in the foot in the first place.

Below are some ways to help eliminate this problem

  1. Zap Fears and Bad Thoughts

Sit down and imagine what it would be like to have what you want or to reach your goal. Imagine every step. When you’re doing this, write down any negative feelings, weird fears, or random thoughts that come up. If you imagine yourself getting into great physical shape, what comes up for you? Do you picture yourself doing boring workouts for the rest of your life? Do you fear getting unwanted attention from men? Do you imagine your spouse or friends making fun of you for going to the gym and being vain? The key to your self-sabotage lies in those fears and thoughts. Facing whatever is holding you back and causing you to self-sabotage won’t be easy. But it’s better than the lousy regret you’ll feel if you don’t. Life’s too short to not go after what you want most.

  1. Learn to love incremental improvements

A paradox perfectionists face in trying to reduce self-sabotage is their tendency to have inflexible standards and be dismissive of incremental gains. They want to solve a problem completely, right now, and aren’t motivated by solutions that improve a problem by, say, one, 10, or 20 percent—even if these solutions are almost effortless.

When you start to appreciate the beauty of making incremental improvements, you’ll see easy solutions that you’d previously been overlooking. Over time, even tiny improvements add up significantly. It can be extremely helpful to ask yourself, “How could I improve this by one percent?” instead of “How can I completely eliminate this sabotaging habit?” For instance, you might ask yourself, “How can I improve my problem of overeating by one percent?”

  1. Choose to accept more love in your life.

This may be the hardest thing to do, especially if you feel you’re unworthy. But remember that by continuously choosing destructive situations, you’ll never have the opportunity to expand your worth. And so you’ll have to risk a bit of a new experience so you don’t get stuck in this cycle of self-loathing and self-destruction.

Since you can’t control the love you receive from the other people, the best place to start is with self-love. Things like saving money, working out, and indulging in your hobbies are all acts of self-love.

 

You will eventually begin to experience more happiness because of the positive opportunities you’ve allowed yourself to experience, and then it will feel a bit more natural to open yourself up to more to others.

  1. Challenge your self-sabotaging thinking

Business people, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians and others are adamant about one thing: If you want to succeed in whatever you do, you have to stay focused. This means that you must keep the task and goals in sight and your thoughts steadfast on the end result.

Because of that, every morning when I wake up, I expect something wonderful to happen and throughout the day i keep looking for it. It sets me up for enjoying the day and gives me a mindset of positive expectation and glorious appreciation.

If I experience doubt, expect the worse and dwell on those thoughts, I am creating what I don’t want.

This is self-sabotage at its best. Sabotage is my greatest enemy and the results of the sabotage set me up for failure and disappointment every time. Instead, I focus on what I do want, not on what I don’t want and I am always happy with the outcome.

  1. Re-examine your worldview.

If you find yourself perpetually self-sabotaging, this is a great opportunity to examine your belief system. You may have values or thoughts that fuel your hurtful habits.

For instance, some of us may hold the belief that life is meaningless. Some of us believe we deserve pain. Whatever the reason for these beliefs, it’s important we recognize them and take small steps to challenge them.

  1. Face Your Fears

If you procrastinate all the time, cause unnecessary conflict in your relationship, or drink too much alcohol throughout the week, take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide if that’s really what you want to continue doing. Ask yourself: Do I really want to sabotage my chance at being truly happy in life? What do I really have to fear by not living up to my true capacity in life? When you do this exercise, you’ll realize it’s really not worth the energy of sabotaging your chances of success just because you fear not achieving it. It’s much easier to face your fears and “fail” than it is to continuously quit before trying. Don’t waste your talent and squander your chances of being happy.

7.Learn to love incremental improvements

A paradox perfectionists face in trying to reduce self-sabotage is their tendency to have inflexible standards and be dismissive of incremental gains. They want to solve a problem completely, right now, and aren’t motivated by solutions that improve a problem by, say, one, 10, or 20 percent—even if these solutions are almost effortless.

When you start to appreciate the beauty of making incremental improvements, you’ll see easy solutions that you’d previously been overlooking. Over time, even tiny improvements add up significantly. It can be extremely helpful to ask yourself, “How could I improve this by one percent?” instead of “How can I completely eliminate this sabotaging habit?” For instance, you might ask yourself, “How can I improve my problem of overeating by one percent?”

  1. Be mindful

To overcome self-sabotaging behavior we must first be mindful; mindful of our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

We must be willing to make curiosity and a mindset of learning and growth our default. And we must be willing to practice courage and self-compassion on this most difficult healing journey.

“Without awareness there is no choice.” John F. Barnes

It’s only with being mindful, the practice of moment to moment awareness, that we get a chance and the choice to respond instead of react to the stuff of our lives.

 

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